I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
