I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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