Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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