Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
