Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
two words...techno handjob
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
