Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
