i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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