So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
