So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
