That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
