peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
