I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
