All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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