why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
