Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize