nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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