she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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