I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize