so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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