Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
