he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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