I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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