The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
