i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
