I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
