Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
