After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
