when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Your penis caused this!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
