Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
