But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
