I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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