Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've blown a few things in my day
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
