I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You need Xanax blowdarts
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize