I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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