not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
