My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
