If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
