I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
