Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
