if only i could text you this smell
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
