You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
