Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
