I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
