I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
how does that bad decision feel?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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