Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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