i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Randomize
