Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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