he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
