Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
