I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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