I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
