we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
