Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
