when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
