You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
