Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sorry about my life...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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