i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The beer is more important than you right now.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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