Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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