Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
