i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
