this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
