I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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