when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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