Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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