Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
