At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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