At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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