I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
