It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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