wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
