"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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