My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
