Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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