just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
