I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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